Human existence used to be so much simpler... You were born in a family of farmers, your future was to become a farmer. It was your time to get married, your family arranged a suiting partner for you. You did't need to (or you were not even allowed to) make your own choices.
For us, "modern people", this sounds aweful! What's with free will, right?
But isn't the freedom to choose a bit overrated?
Just think about this - how often have you regretted making the "wrong" choice? Now think harder! Try to remember a situation where you had two equally good options, which would have made you feel equally happy, let's say 8-out-of-10-happy. However, after you made up you mind, the resulting outcome only made you 6-out-of-10-happy, simply because you coulnd't stop thinking about the beauty of this other option you didn't choose. Simply because you had doubts about the rightness of your decision!
(The instinct to overappreciate)
So yes, the freedom to choose is sometimes overrated.
In such a situation, having had someone else to decide for you or having had only one option at the first place would have allowed you to get your 8-out-of-10, because you wouldn't have had any regrets about a missed opportunity.
When we don't have a choice, we tend to be happier with what we got. We tend to accept and even overappreciate our uncontrollable destiny. Overappreciating is an instinct. A beautiful one! One that protects us from feeling unsatisfied when we don't manage to end up in our most desired life-scenario. I mean, really! When something doesn't go as planed, don't you always find a way to convince yourself: "Well... I didn't really want this that much!", or "what I have is not necessarily less than what I tried to get"? Well... I do this! It is very probably a lie we tell ourselves, but as long as it makes us happier, our instincts make us believe in it.
(Less options, less use of conditional tense)
Often, the more options we have in our life, the unhappier we are! It is, indeed, counterintuitive, but it works exactly like that.
I am smart, I am talented, everybody likes me. I have all the chances a person could possibly have. I could become an astronaut, a genetic scientist, a writer, a singer! I could spend the rest of my life with the wonderful girl/guy I met today, or with the one I met yesterday - they all want me! This means I could be the happiest person in the whole world, because I could achieve everything I desire!
Yes, nice... So far so good!
However, I only have 24 hors a day, 7 days a weak, 365.25 days a year. I couldn't possibly do everything I am good at and have interest in! I couldn't have romantic realtionships with all these people I consider sexy and worthy, either (well... maybe I could, but this is a topic for another time).
So, how do I take my pick? And, above all, how do I prevent myself from letting the thoughts of the options I didn't pick drag my happiness down to a lower number on my 1-to-10-scale?
What do I get from having many talents, when I could never take advantage of them all? They rather stay in my way to simply being perfectly happy with where I am. Because they tempt me to question myself: "What could my life have looked like, had I studied physics instead of economics, or had I spend more time with that other girl/guy instead with the one I am with now".
Truth is, it doesn't really matter what we choose. I strongly belive, that people could be happy with every outcome in their lifes, which also means with every choice they make. Just think about yourself! Your choices are, above all, your choices, so you surely had a reason to make them! Therefore, the resulting outcome itself would deffinetely bear many desired goods and experiences for you, a.k.a. should make you feel satisfied. Only if that stupid "what-could-have-been"-question did't arise now and than!
Less options, less use of conditional tense, less regrets, more enjoying myself! So... I would love to be the child of a farmer and marry a nice guy from the next village as arranged by my parents!
(Bounded vs. unbounded)
If our options were bounded, if somebody else or the circumstances took our choice for us, we would be fine and happy with the result, because we would know we couldn't possibly have ended on a different place... We accept, we adapt, we are satisfied. It sounds odd, but it's the way it works!
This bounded/unbounded thing really matters!
Let's take me for example. I left my homeland alone at the age of 19. It may sound like a choice of mine, but it wasn't really. The facts are - if I wanted to study, I had to leave Bulgaria (why so is not of importance right now). And, as I desired to study, staying home was not an option. So I moved to Germany. Although I offen miss my homeland and can very good imagine the wonderful things that would have been different in my life had I chosen to stay, I don't really have any regrets for leaving it. Exactly the opposite - I really love it where I am now!
My hands were bounded, so I accepted it, and learned to be happy with it pretty fast.
However, my options were unbounded regarding what to study in that foreign country. And I could (and still can) imagine myself in so many differend fields! I had a choice. I made a choice. The really annoying thing is - I am actually not at all unhappy with what I'm doing now, but I often continue asking myself about all the other possibilities, anyway! I would have being way happier if I hadn't had these other talents I could have chosen to pursue. Because the picture of me being a wise psychologist, a theoretical physicist, or, with a bit of luck, a famous diva causes me doubts. And these doubts used to cost me like -2 points of my general satisfaction... until I realized how stupid that was!
These bloody doubts only exist in situations where our options are unbounded.
(The paradox of happiness)
So what worth are many 9-out-of-10-options that transform eachother into 7-point-ones due to doubts? While a simple 5-points-option, on the other hand, could instinctively turn into a 8-points-one just because it is the only one available and we add artificial points to it by learning to love it...
You can see that, like all other instincts, the instinct to overappreciate is also a paradoxical one - it often makes us feel happier when we have less than when we have more; when we don't have our free will, than when we are free to make our own choices.
I bet married farmers are the happiest man on earth! I could never be one, as I live in a world full of options. However, there is no such thing like a wrong choice of mine, so I refuse to allow any meaningless doubts to ruin my 10-out-of-10-satisfaction with my beautiful life!
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